


Unfold Your Love

by tacomuerte



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Drama, F/F, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 03:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11072892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacomuerte/pseuds/tacomuerte
Summary: Sometimes the end of a journey is also the beginning.





	Unfold Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by The Beatles.

Aubrey takes a few minutes to allow the prognosis to sink in. The doctor is kind enough to give her privacy, but what she really wants is to get out of his office as fast as she can.

She should call someone. She should let someone know… someone who can say something—anything, really—that might comfort her because she can feel panic starting to override the numbness. Unable to decide whether to call her family or Chloe first, Aubrey walks out of the office into the heat of the Atlanta summer and picks a third, more neutral option.

Beca answers with a confused hello but Aubrey’s voice catches in her throat, choking off any response. Not hearing an answer to her repeated hello’s, Beca becomes playfully sarcastic.

“Yo, Bree, did you butt-dial me, or are we supposed to be having an actual conversation right now?”

Aubrey blinks trying to clear her head and answers.

“I have cancer,” she says with a calm neutrality that’s impressive even to herself.

Silence. 

She does not expect silence from Beca, who always has an immediate, snappy response onhand. Aubrey likes that about the brunette. The girl can dish it out as well as anyone.

Aubrey has known Beca Mitchell for a little over five years, and despite some rough patches, they’ve become good friends although generally Chloe serves as a buffer between the two, smoothing out the rough edges and putting out any sparks before they can be fanned into flames.

They’re both lucky to have Chloe in their lives…

But Chloe isn’t here now…

And there’s this awful silence…

Aubrey’s dread and fear starts filling up all the spaces where words should be, and she needs to hear something… anything… 

But the silence stretches out… luxuriously… like a satisfied cat lazing in a sunbeam… toying with its prey… having nothing to prove… 

Aubrey can feel the carefully constructed facade she’s been maintaining since the doctor said those awful words crumbling, so she presses on, hoping that Beca will respond at some point before Aubrey completely loses it in the well-kept parking lot of the very posh building where she’s just finished her appointment with Dr. Eugene Aldrich, Atlanta’s most highly respected oncologist.

“Ovarian cancer to be precise.”

And still… silence… 

“It’s terminal. Thought you should know,” she snaps, venomously and hangs up. She hadn’t intended to lose her temper although she would never admit that. She has always hated how quickly anger comes to her, and she has always pretended to take pride in her temper to cover her embarrassment. 

For a brief moment, she considers throwing the phone as hard as she can at the sticky, hot asphalt. But the phone—set to vibrate when she went into Dr. Aldrich’s office—buzzes before she can hurl it against the ground… rhythmically… like a heartbeat… and Aubrey wonders how many heartbeats she has left before the inevitable comes to pass… 

That kind of thinking won’t do her any good. 

The phone stops and almost immediately begins to vibrate again. 

It’s Beca, of course. 

Aubrey answers. “Yes?” Her voice sounds dead… like she herself will be soon enough.

Like Aubrey, Beca also possesses a legendary temper, and Aubrey can hear the fury and fear in the younger girl’s voice.

“Don’t drop a fucking bomb on me, Posen, and then hang up!”

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey says, and she means it even though she hates how small and afraid she sounds and feels.

“Don’t…” Beca responds with a pleading edge to her voice, cutting off any further apology. Aubrey can tell her friend is shaken. “Dude, I’m… Okay, where are you?”

“Outside the oncologist’s office.”

“Address, Bree. I need the address.”

Oh. Beca wants to come here, and Aubrey realizes she would rather not have anyone she knows see her here in this place where she’s just been handed a death sentence by a nice, well-meaning doctor wearing a practiced, sad smile. This is not a place where she wants tears or reassurances or anything else for that matter. 

She just wants to be done with this place forever and ever. Amen.

“No, not here,” she responds finally. “There’s a diner about half a mile down the road. Meet me there.”

“I don’t think you should drive right now, Bree.”

The concern is touching, if misplaced.

“I’ll walk.”

Beca protests, but Aubrey insists.

“The heat won’t kill me, Beca. The cancer has that well in hand.”

She hears Beca choke back a sob.

“Bree…” 

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey quickly interjects. She’s being incredibly unfair, and she’s suddenly tired of holding on to her anger like it’s some kind of award. “That was mean and I just… I’m sorry.”

“No, just meet me there in twenty minutes, alright? But don’t drive. I don’t think your head’s in the right place.”

Aubrey nods before realizing that Beca isn’t here to see her and answers.

“Sure. See you there.”

Beca’s right. It’s extremely hot. Late August in Atlanta always is, but it’s nothing she can’t handle. The heat even feels good in its own way. She’s certain that graves are very cold.

She waits for Beca and orders the other girl’s favorite burger and fries when she sees her pull into the parking lot in her beat up Honda. The thing was on its last legs over 10,000 miles ago. By now, it’s held together more by wishful thinking than anything else.

Aubrey drives a BMW she bought two months earlier. She decides she’s going to leave it to Beca although she won’t tell her she’s doing that. It’s a fight Aubrey doesn’t want to have. She’s done with fighting, and she’s had too many with Beca. That’s a disappointing legacy to have with a friend.

For a few minutes, they sit and watch the cars drive by on the street. Aubrey does not want to waste what small pleasures she has time to experience, so she dutifully eats her order of fries although she really doesn’t taste them. 

Beca picks at her burger.

Aubrey is quickly learning to hate quiet times.

“It’s metastasized,” she begins without preamble. “I ignored the pain for too long. Thought it was just a sensitive stomach. Just another round of stress-induced vomiting.”

Beca drops her burger on the plate. She has the beginnings of tears in her eyes.

Aubrey hopes very much that Beca doesn’t cry. Because then she’ll cry, too. She doesn’t want to do that here in public with so many eyes ready to turn towards her with pity. 

The idea of it disgusts her.

“Please, Beca,” she pleads, shakily. “Please don’t cry.”

Beca clears her throat and nods. 

“Let’s get out of here, Bree,” she says, smiling. It’s not a very convincing smile, but Aubrey will take it.

They drive the Honda back towards Aubrey’s house with the windows down. Beca’s air conditioner is non-functioning at the moment just as it has been all summer—plus last summer and probably every summer since Beca bought the old thing. 

Aubrey asks if Beca will take her to Barden instead of home. She wants to see it again. She wants this more than she wanted to win Nationals.

Aubrey’s hair blows wildly in the wind as they drive along the suburb streets, and she feels greedy for this kind of experience. It’s so much better than the processed air conditioning she’s used to.

When they arrive, the two girls sit outside by the pond that separates the Bellas’ house and the Trebles’ house, and Beca laughs and talks about how last year Fat Amy rowed across belting out Belinda Carlisle by way of apologizing/proposing to Bumper. Aubrey knows the story, but it’s nice to hear about something that makes her friend happy and not the awful topic neither woman really wants to think about.

But it’s always there… 

Waiting… 

Silent… 

Inevitable… 

And Aubrey finds she needs to face it, so she does what any Posen worth her salt would do.

“Beca,” she begins and instantly the gaze of the brunette’s dark blue eyes meets hers. “I don’t have long. Maybe six months at most.”

A tear runs halfway down the younger girl’s cheek before she reflexively wipes it away. She turns her head, and Aubrey appreciates the gesture. She had asked for no tears, and Beca wants to give her that.

Aubrey puts her hand on Beca’s shoulder and gently turns the girl towards her.

“It’s okay,” she lies because it sure as Hell isn’t okay, but she’ll be damned if she goes to her grave making one of the few friends she’s managed to find and keep feel like she’s disappointing her. “I’m sad, too.” 

That is probably the truest thing Aubrey has ever said.

Beca hugs her, and Aubrey wants to melt into her friend’s embrace. She pulls back feeling a bit delirious and a strange giddiness seizes her when she sees Beca’s teary smile.

There have been mild flirtations over the years between the two although Aubrey always holds back because she’s very aware of Chloe’s feelings for Beca, but suddenly, she’s wondering “What if?” and thinking about how her life is ending moment by moment and there’s a beautiful girl sitting in front of her whom she knows finds her attractive.

Acting on instinct and need, Aubrey leans in kissing Beca firmly on the mouth. She can feel the other girl’s surprise as Beca stiffens.

Aubrey pulls back, ashamed and surprised by her actions as well. 

“I’m sorry,” she begins. “I don’t know why…”

Beca doesn’t let her finish. She hugs her again and whispers in Aubrey’s ear.

“It’s fine, Bree. It’s fine.”

And Aubrey feels like maybe it is fine, or as close as it’s going to be. That’s when the tears start. She’s settles for feeling proud she’s held out this long. 

Later, she will feel angry at herself for the puffy redness the crying brings. But that’s later. She’ll deal with that then.

When she’s finished crying, the two friends watch quietly as the sun begins to set although this time the silence doesn’t feel oppressive. It feels… companionable.

“I should tell Chloe,” Aubrey says as the last rosy bit of sunlight lingers on the horizon.

Beca takes her hand and squeezes and leads her to the car. Aubrey nervously counts streetlights as Beca drives to Chloe’s apartment. They arrive too soon for her liking. Far too soon.

If it were anyone but Chloe, Aubrey would describe them as not taking the news well. But it is Chloe, a woman who has never met an emotion she hasn’t embraced wholeheartedly. Aubrey loves that about Chloe… along with everything else really. Chloe’s not the kind of person one can dislike unless they’re some kind of actual monster.

After a great deal of crying and a great deal of hugging and many, many reassurances that Aubrey will look into a second and third opinion and as many alternative medicines as she can tolerate, Chloe gives her that smile that says you’re the best person she’s ever met, and Aubrey feels… more okay than she did before, which is an accomplishment only Chloe Beale could pull off.

But she’s also tired, so Beca drives her home. Aubrey isn’t happy her car is going to stay overnight at the doctor’s office, but Beca insists she isn’t letting Aubrey drive tonight.

Her thoughts drift back to the earlier kiss, and she truly has no idea what stupidity came over her, but as she sits with the wind blowing through her hair listening to Beca enthusiastically sing along to some hip hop person Aubrey has never heard of and wouldn’t remember even if Beca told her his name a thousand times, she feels secure and safe.

And that makes no sense considering the circumstances, but she finds she doesn’t care. She’s just glad she can feel that way for a little while.

What she can’t shake is the knowledge that with one stupid kiss, she’s betrayed Chloe, who has been in love with Beca since the brunette’s freshman year. 

Beca pulls the car to the curb and walks Aubrey to her door.

As they stand on her porch, Aubrey barely hesitates—just for a half-second—before apologizing again.

“Becs, I’m sorry about earlier… about the kiss,” she says and she means it. She hopes Beca knows that.

Beca responds with a smirk and a shrug. 

“It’s okay, Bree,” she says lightly. “I know how irresistible I am.”

And then she gives Aubrey an exaggerated wink, and they’re both laughing.

Before she quite realizes what’s happening, Aubrey finds herself being thoroughly, fiercely kissed. It’s her turn to be surprised, but she pushes it to the side and feels hunger gnawing at her insides for more… threatening to consume her… and she knows she should say no. She should push Beca away and tell her to find someone who’s not going to go bad faster than a carton of milk left out in the afternoon sun.

There are many things Aubrey should do in that moment. But she can’t seem to muster up the strength to do all the things she should, and she keeps telling herself she must stop right now. 

But she doesn’t. She can’t.

What she can do, though, and does do while they kiss is run her tongue along the edge of Beca’s lips pulling forth a low, sweet hum from the girl, and she can and does slide her hands across Beca’s waist where they come to rest wrapped around the smaller brunette, who for her part is giving as good as she’s getting.

But Aubrey does manage to eventually pull away.

“Beca, we can’t. I’m…”

“Stop,” Beca says, pleading. “Don’t make me go.”

Aubrey looks into Beca’s eyes, shining in the dim light of the bulb illuminating the small porch. She knows if she does not turn Beca away now, she won’t be able to stop again. She feels horribly selfish because all she can think is how unfair it is that even though she’s dying, it’s up to her to protect this beautiful, talented, fierce young woman offering her comfort during the worst moment of Aubrey’s brief life.

She finds strength in Beca’s determination.

“Beca,” she says tenderly stroking the brunette’s cheek. “I wish I knew how to ask this nicely, but I’m on a clock. Is this a one-night offer? Because I can’t do that. It would hurt me more than it would help.”

Beca shakes her head, and if anything looks more determined. “No, it’s not one night.”

“And it isn’t pity, Beca?” Aubrey asks. 

Beca gives her a hard look. “No, Bree. It isn’t pity.”

“Do you understand what happens? How hard it will be? I can’t… if you change your mind after… ”

For the first time since Aubrey pushed away, Beca’s gaze drops from Aubrey’s eyes. “Yeah.I won’t leave you. I can handle it. My mom…”

She does not finish. There’s no need. Aubrey remembers and feels shame and sadness that she’s been so wrapped up in herself that she’s forgotten that Beca’s mother died of breast cancer when Beca was a senior in high school.

Aubrey opens the door and takes Beca’s hand leading her inside.

What follows is a blur of heat and sound and warmth and rising pleasure… 

And then Aubrey has to stop. It’s too overwhelming. She can’t continue. It’s just too much and she can’t shake the feeling that this is pity from Beca and that she’s betraying Chloe, the only true friend she ever had until Beca and the championship Bellas joined transformed her singular friendship into a small, precious circle of beloved friends.

Beca understands without Aubrey having to explain, which she doesn’t have the strength to do. They hold each other and talk softly in whispers about nothing of consequence until both drift into sleep.

Aubrey wakes shortly before dawn. Beca is cuddled against her side, and it’s comforting just lying there listening to the soft rhythms of her breathing. 

As she watches Beca sleep, she resolves to talk to Chloe as soon as possible. She has to. Things shouldn’t have even gotten this far.

Her stomach is hurting, though. Not a surprise. At best it’s a constant dull ache. At worst, she feels like she’s being split in half. Fortunately, this is closer to the dull ache.

Carefully, she extracts herself and Beca shifts on the verge of waking. Aubrey freezes, watching. Beca snuggles into Aubrey’s pillow and sighs. As quietly as possible, Aubrey makes her way to the kitchen retrieving a pain pill from her purse and a glass of water.

There’s not much to do until the pill kicks in, so she sits on the couch in her living room. Looking around, she wishes she had done more with the place. The decorations are nice and tasteful, but typically for her, sterile. Each one has been picked out to say to any visitor that the proper piece had been put in its proper place like a picture in a magazine.

The only item that’s really “her” is the guitar in the corner behind a chair. She hasn’t picked it up in a month. Every time she thinks to put it into storage, she feels regret. She doesn’t do much with music anymore. Too busy. The Lodge comes first. There’s always time to sing or play later.

But there isn’t going to be much of a later.

On impulse she stands, retrieves the guitar, and goes outside to her porch. She forgoes the deck chairs and takes a seat on the step and begins to strum a soft melody in an idle fashion while she watches the sunrise.

She decides she will watch every sunrise and sunset she has left.

As she’s lost in the golden light of early morning reflecting off the dewy grass of her yard, she’s startled by Beca’s voice.

“I didn’t know you played guitar, Bree.”

She stops and shrugs. “Not much use in a capella.”

“Don’t stop,” Beca says taking a seat on the step near her, giving Aubrey enough room to play while she watches.

Aubrey thinks for a moment and settles on a song. She’s always had a fondness for The Beatles. She wonders if Beca will think less of her for being so pedestrian.

The notes are clear and sharp, and Aubrey’s soft, high voice blends with the guitar nicely.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping  
While my guitar gently weeps  
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping  
Still my guitar gently weeps

Aubrey glances hesitantly towards Beca. She isn’t sure what to do with this sudden need for Beca’s approval but it’s there haunting her, and it’s never been a secret that Beca and she disagree on musical choices.

But Beca is smiling fondly and is focused on Aubrey, so she continues to play.

As she sings the penultimate verse, her voice falters slightly. It feels too close to home for her, and she wonders why she never realized before.

I don't know how you were diverted  
You were perverted too  
I don't know how you were inverted  
No one alerted you

Beca looks concerned, but doesn’t stop her, so Aubrey finishes the last verse… 

She finishes and sits the guitar down.

“You play beautifully,” Beca says, scooting over to sit beside her.

“Thanks,” she responds, carefully watching a bird hopping in the drive when she feels a hand rubbing a soothing circle on her shoulder.

“That’s not you, you know?” Beca says, reassuringly.

“No, Beca, I don’t know that.” 

It’s the truth. She feels bought and sold… inverted… too busy trying to be what her family expects her to be and having no idea what if anything she’s ever wanted for herself other than some a capella victories. 

She feels like she’s been lost most of her life while everyone around her knows what they want, even Chloe. While most people thought Chloe was rudderless and unambitious as she repeated senior year three times, Aubrey knew the truth. Chloe’s ambition is to be near Beca. It’s always been about Beca.

That used to infuriate Aubrey. She saw the inherent attractiveness of the younger brunette, of course, but for Chloe to derail herself like that had appeared at the time to be inexcusable in Aubrey’s opinion.

But the gentleness Beca had shown her last night… the tenderness and patience…

Aubrey is pulled out of her thoughts as Beca gently turns her head so they’re face to face. Only a scant few inches separate them. Beca’s face is serious and earnest.

“I wouldn’t change anything about you,” the brunette says quietly.

Aubrey smiles. She feels lucky and is fully aware of the irony in Beca’s words. She knows this won’t last, but she feels she should make the most of it while she still has the strength to enjoy it.

“Not my musical choices?”

Beca shakes her head.

“Not my insistence on the ‘airline stewardess’ uniforms?”

Beca simply closes her eyes and laughs.

“Not even the projectile vomiting?”

Beca looks at her, smiles, and places her hand on Aubrey’s cheek.

“Okay, yeah that I would change,” she says laughing again before turning serious. “I’m going to call in and take the day off work.”

Aubrey rejects the idea and they debate for a few minutes before Aubrey wins out. She has a lot to do and needs to get started now while she can still get around on her own. She even endures Beca’s grumpiness at having given in, but she’s thankful it didn’t turn into a true argument.

Beca drives Aubrey to her car. They talk. Beca assures her she wants to see what this becomes. Aubrey can’t fathom why but agrees.

The brunette leans over and kisses her softly yet insistently. It takes Aubrey’s breath away.

Then, Beca leaves to pick up a change of clothes before work after securing a promise from Aubrey that she would eat, so Aubrey returns to the diner from yesterday. It’s important to keep her word to Beca. Otherwise, there’s no point in continuing whatever this might be. She would rather not define it at the moment.

As she eats some overcooked eggs, she makes her plan for the day. She has her car. She needs to make arrangements for… after. She needs to visit her parents. That comes last because there’s no chance she won’t be completely exhausted once she faces them.

Aubrey calls her lawyer. He’s on the golf course. She tells him he’s got two hours to be in his office, or there will be vague-yet-ominous consequences, which does the trick. After she’s done with him, she calls another oncologist’s office and explains her situation. She’s made a promise to Chloe, so she makes an appointment for the next day. Aubrey’s lucky. Someone canceled. She wonders if the person died and the receptionist is being diplomatic.

She gets a number for a hospice care facility from the second oncologist, and makes an appointment for next week. Finally, she calls a funeral home. They can see her anytime, so she makes that her first stop.

It’s… depressing, and she finds herself shutting down emotionally just to get through it. The funeral director is understanding but maintains a slightly distant demeanor. Aubrey appreciates his read on the situation. Their business is concluded quickly.

By the time she’s done, she only has a few minutes to get to her lawyer’s office. He’s there, so she doesn’t have to nail his hide to the wall. They discuss her will and he takes notes on what she wants… Beca gets her car and her house and half her trust fund. Chloe gets as many of Aubrey’s personal items as she wants. Chloe’s family is ridiculously wealthy, so there’s no need to leave her the other half of the trust fund. Her lawyer suggests a new trust creating scholarships for Barden, and Aubrey feels a spark of excitement that grows as they go over details. She wants one named for each Bella from her senior year triumph plus Emily who was instrumental in bringing Aubrey into the Worlds competition.

That’s all she can think of at the moment although her lawyer assures her there’s time if she wants to make amendments before she signs. He tells her she needs a witness. She lets him know her father will witness it as soon as everything’s prepared.

That leaves her family, so she calls and asks if they’re home. They are. She asks them if she can come over. She has news.

She tries to be gentle. She’s never seen her father afraid before, and it shakes her badly. They spend a long time fumbling around some sort of comforting words and gestures. It’s not natural for either of them. 

Her mother is inconsolable, but that was expected. Aubrey doesn’t blame her. If she had a daughter, it would crush her to hear this.

She tells them about Beca since she doesn’t want to hide anything. She’s never opened up about her sexuality, but she has nothing to lose, although she does not correct their notion that this has been a long-term relationship. It’s selfish of her, but she feels embarrassed that she’s started something just as everything is ending. 

Her parents want to meet Beca, and she doesn’t detect any hostility at all. That’s surprising, but she’s thankful and lets them know that. Her father even congratulates her on her plans for her will and asks if he can set up matching scholarships at Barden.

Aubrey never realized how happy she could feel while waiting to die.

She does not say that to them, nor will she phrase it that way to Beca later. Aubrey is fully aware she isn’t the only one affected by this sorry state of affairs.

She tells them she’ll let them know about a formal meeting with Beca as soon as she talks to her, assuring them she’s not putting it off.

On her drive home, she realizes she needs to tell Chloe about what happened last night. 

She calls and asks Chloe to come over. It’s the hardest conversation she’s ever had with her best friend. 

Aubrey offers to end things immediately. She means it. She realizes now she has been hiding deep feelings for Beca for longer than she cares to admit, but Chloe is as always her priority. Aubrey would crawl over broken glass for her.

Chloe doesn’t want that, though. She wants her friends to be happy even if it will be hard for her personally. The only condition she has is that Aubrey not tell Beca about Chloe’s feelings. Aubrey accepts that, but tells Chloe that Beca will need someone soon, and she wants it to be Chloe… and she wants Chloe to promise that she’ll come clean about her feelings six months after Aubrey… well, after she dies.

That provokes harsher words than she’s used to from the redhead, but as she’s agreed to Chloe’s condition that she remain silent, Aubrey gets her way, too. It’s a promise, and Chloe will never break a promise to her. That’s good. 

Aubrey’s sure it will work out for them.

She wishes she could be there to see it.

Beca arrives while Chloe is still there and the three have a nice dinner that Chloe insists on making. Aubrey is in too much pain to cook, and Beca is challenged by instant ramen.

Once Chloe leaves, Aubrey breaks the various news items to Beca. She’s okay with meeting Aubrey’s parents although she’s obviously panicked over the idea. She isn’t happy that Aubrey has already called hospice care and made funeral arrangements. Not happy at all.

Aubrey doesn’t mention her meeting with her lawyer or the will. 

They do not have sex that night, either. Aubrey’s pain hasn’t lessened even with medication. It’s disappointing to her.

“I’m sorry, Becs,” she says drowsily under the effects of the painkillers.

Beca snorts like Aubrey has said something funny.

“Seriously, Bree? You’re hot, but I like you—all of you—not just your body.”

“Take advantage of the body while you can, Mitchell.” She intends that as a light joke. 

Beca does not take it that way. “Please don’t say that, okay?”

Aubrey nods and apologizes. “Sorry.”

“And stop apologizing.” Beca sounds annoyed. “It’s weird.”

Since Aubrey isn’t supposed to apologize, she just shrugs and nods.

They cuddle until Aubrey is asleep.

The next few months proceed as they feel out whatever this is supposed to be, and Aubrey begins to fade physically—slowly at first, but then noticeably and then ever more quickly. 

They frequently have dinner with her parents who adore Beca. Her dad even talks Beca into golfing with him, so he can get to know her better. He’s never expressed that level of interest in anyone she’s dated before. No one is more surprised than Aubrey—except maybe Beca—when her girlfriend ends up loving golf and makes a regular thing out of playing with Aubrey’s dad. 

Chloe is around as much as she thinks she can be while still giving the new couple some space. The times all three are together are special. Beca and Chloe even arrange for weekend visits on occasion by all the Bellas from senior year.

Aubrey feels a little sad that her crowning achievement will be an a capella title. She only admits that to Beca later under constant badgering because Beca can tell Aubrey’s upset after seeing the Bellas. 

The problem with falling in love is that suddenly she seems to be an open book to Beca. 

There are a few fights after Beca moves in. The worst is when Beca finds the rough draft of the speech Aubrey is preparing detailing her reasons why she is going to commit suicide before the worst sets in.

Aubrey is brushing her teeth because the chemo coupled with the new meds she’s taking has a tendency to make her vomit. She hated it when she couldn’t stop herself during high school and college, and she hates it now.

Beca storms into the bathroom clutching a piece of paper Aubrey knows too well due to the hours she’s pored over it. She had forgotten to put it away before she retreated to the bathroom.

“The fuck is this shit, Bree?” Beca’s voice is two octaves higher than usual. Rage does that to a person.

Aubrey calmly spits out her toothpaste and answers. “I would think that’s obvious, Beca.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Beca’s voice has risen to a shout, and she’s visibly shaking with anger. 

Aubrey is too exhausted just from standing upright to have this conversation.

“Yes. I’m fucking serious. This right here…” she gestures to her body. It’s impossible to miss how sick she looks all the time now. “This isn’t going to get better.”

“And you’re just going to leave me a note?” Beca spits out, and now Aubrey is shaking as well although that’s due to sickness and surprise.

“Oh, God no, Becs,” she says as she reaches for her girlfriend, cupping Beca’s cheek. “No. I wouldn’t do that. I was just trying to get my thoughts in order… present my case.”

That doesn’t mollify Beca.

“Your case? This isn’t a trial, Bree. You can’t do this to me!”

Aubrey sits on the edge of the bathtub. 

“I don’t want you to remember me… I don’t want you to think of me… not after… everything,” she’s doing her best to get through this calmly. “Like I’m going to be… the way I’ll look…”

She can’t continue. Beca sets at her feet on the tile floor.

“The way you look? You’re just as beautiful today as you were the day I met you… the day you called me a bitch while telling me that you performed at the Kennedy Center.”

Aubrey laughs but she isn’t convinced. 

“Don’t lie to me, Becs. I look like shit. I feel horrible. And I’m only going to get worse.”

“Look at me, Bree!” Beca commands, and Aubrey wearily complies. “You are sick, not ugly. And I love you. Do you understand that?” 

Aubrey nods, and Beca continues.

“I want to be with you for as long as we’ve got. Promise me, okay? You. Are. Beautiful. I will fuck up anyone that says otherwise.”

Aubrey nods again. She can feel the truth of Beca’s words and all the feelings welling up inside Aubrey feels… heavy and lovely and scary.

“Okay, Beca. Okay. Just… give me a few minutes, okay?”

Beca stands and leans down to kiss her forehead. 

“Sure, Bree. I’ll be in the kitchen. I’m trying to make brownies.”

Aubrey’s favorite, and despite not thinking it possible, Aubrey feels more in love than ever.

She smiles and says, “Okay.”

Beca stops and turns when she’s at the door.

“I’m in this for the long haul, Bree. You can’t be more beautiful to me. It’s just not possible.”

She turns and leaves, and Aubrey sits for a long time trying to compose herself.

It turns out Beca has decided to fight dirty as Aubrey discovers when she comes out of the bathroom roughly half an hour later to find Chloe sitting in the kitchen. 

Before Aubrey can even say hello, Chloe tells her Beca texted saying to “come over ASAP but it’s not an emergency.” 

Of course, Chloe decided to ignore the part about it not being an emergency and broke a decent few traffic laws speeding over.

Aubrey sits at the kitchen table and watches her girlfriend fail to make brownies. It’s obvious what Beca’s doing. She wants Aubrey to come clean to Chloe of her own free will.

That is the last thing Aubrey intends to do.

What follows is a tense, awkward bout of smalltalk as Chloe visibly loses patience, Beca pointedly refuses to interact as she starts on her third attempt at getting the brownie mix right, and Aubrey pretends she has no idea what’s going on.

Finally, Chloe demands to know what’s the matter, and Beca pulls the damning piece of paper out of her pocket, holding it out to Choe. Aubrey doesn’t have the strength to reach it before Chloe does.

Several shouted lectures from her best friend later, Chloe and Beca are finally convinced Aubrey is contrite and will ride this out to the horrible, bitter end.

They understand her fears about her looks. Perhaps it’s shallow, but she hasn’t got much left to hold onto. She says that.

Beca’s response is to give her something to hold onto. She drops to a knee and proposes, which almost causes Chloe to pass out. 

Aubrey resists. She doesn’t want Beca saddled with a dying bride. Aubrey tells her with a quick flick of her eyes to Chloe that she wants any marriage for Beca to be a long and happy one, not a honeymoon doubling as a funeral.

Chloe swats her arm and gives her another lecture about taking her chances and just being happy for once instead of finding another reason to put up walls.

Aubrey concedes she’s doing that as she considers Chloe’s words. 

She accepts Beca’s proposal.

The wedding that weekend is simple. Their families and closest friends, coincidentally all Bellas, attend. Stacie is Beca’s Best Person and Chloe is Aubrey’s Maid of Honor. It’s beautiful and perfect and Aubrey can’t think of anything that could ever top this for her.

There is no honeymoon, officially at least. Aubrey’s cancer is spreading fast.

A month later, and hospice care has taken up residence. She can’t do stairs anymore, so there’s a brand new shiny, horrible hospital bed in the living room. She can’t even get herself up and down enough to go outside by herself. 

She’s always tired and in pain, but Beca doesn’t waver. 

Beca’s on leave from work despite Aubrey’s protestations. She wants Beca’s career safe from the effects of the cancer. They fight about it, but Beca insists it will be alright.

The next day, Beca’s boss at Residual Heat comes by to personally assure Aubrey that Beca’s job is safe. They talk about how talented Beca is and where she’s at with her music for an hour. Beca is entirely embarrassed by this. 

He also talks about losing his own mother to illness—pneumonia—a few years earlier, much like Beca had lost her mother. Before he leaves, he tells her that Beca’s lucky to have someone so strong in her corner.

Aubrey thanks him and doesn’t cry until he’s gone. Beca crawls into the bed with Aubrey and talks about how lucky she feels to have this moment, no matter what happens next.

Aubrey feels the same and tells her that even though she is terrified of what happens next. She is glad Beca believes her. She’s happy about that.

Not even a week later, Aubrey passes. She can sense the moment she wakes that it’s no longer a matter of days or weeks, but hours. Beca and both families and Chloe are all there. They are the only people Aubrey would ever want with her, and she’s happy. The pain is clouded by painkillers and Beca holds her until she goes to sleep… smiling… loved… at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really able to write at the moment due to recovery from an injury, but I feel antsy as I haven't posted anything in too long. 
> 
> This has been sitting in my "written and complete" folder for almost two years. I had bone cancer as a child, and I was fortunate to recover. Every year I write something around the anniversary of my clean bill of health, but I've never published any of it. Frankly, it's all about coping with cancer, and it's repetitive.
> 
> But writing these makes me feel okay despite the worry that someday the cancer will come back. This is the best of the lot, and so it's the one I'll publish.
> 
> My doctor thinks that maybe I can write an hour or so per day over the next month or so, but I tend to write for several hours per session. I think I may revisit my Supergirl fiction since that's something I can devote an hour or three to and have a finished chapter. That's at least two weeks away, though, so we'll see how that goes.
> 
> I want to offer apologies to anyone who has been waiting on my other fictions to continue. They will. Soon. Even if my doctor forbids it, I'm stubborn enough to do it anyway, and I'm approaching the point where I'm going to go ahead and deal with consequences as they come.
> 
> My beta reader, asimaiyat, didn't edit this fiction as I wanted to convey the raw emotions I felt when writing this piece, so it may have some weird parts. She did make a couple of suggestions I incorporated, so I would be remiss if I didn't thank her. She is as always the absolute best.


End file.
